It’s Only a Seat: An Insight into the Transformative Power of Metta

I was able to realise first hand the true power of metta to change the perception of the world around me and to become more empathetic towards it. That of course and the futility of personalising a space in a yoga class.

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In 2023, a high workload coupled with a stressful working environment had left me anxious, thoroughly depleted and unable to switch off mentally from the rigours of my job. In order to address my mental health and take advantage of the increased amount of free time available to me while I took a career break, I turned to meditation in earnest.

A few months later I was participating in a retreat. On the last day the teacher introduced us to the practice of metta meditation. It was explained to us that metta is an “altruistic attitude of love and friendliness as distinguished from mere amiability based on self-interest”. True metta therefore is devoid of selfishness and the trait of benevolence which it encourages, is one that should grow with practice.

After the retreat, I continued meditating with tremendous enthusiasm. This consisted of focussing my attention on the sensations of my breath. I also diligently incorporated a few minutes of metta into my daily practice. Initially, I felt like an imposter. Only on rare days could I really connect to this feeling of amity and concord. More often that not, it would feel like a tick box exercise.

Along with meditation, I’m also a yoga practitioner and attend a weekly class at a local gym. My teacher is well trained and so her classes are often oversubscribed. As she is a kind-hearted person, those students on the waiting list for a space are permitted to attend anyway and as such the studio is usually rammed. Getting there early therefore, is somewhat essential. Desirous of improving my yoga technique, I had scoped out an ideal spot for myself in the studio. This was adjacent to a mirrored wall, where I could self-correct my poses. I got into the habit of arriving early to secure my space, everything seemed perfect.

A few months ago, I turned up to the class at my usual time. I noticed another member had placed their mat in my favourite space. Now of course, this spot didn’t have my name on it; there was no designation, it was just a random space in the studio. The fact that the entire rest of the room was empty though and of all the available options, someone had chosen this very spot to place their mat, was something I was acutely aware of. My daily meditation practice had given me enough mindfulness to note that I was irritated by this episode. Nonetheless, I felt able to shrug it off, put it down as a one-off event and leave it at that.

Contrary to my wishful thinking, this situation started happening on a regular basis. I would get to the class with plenty of time to spare and my favourite spot would be gone. I began to get really upset internally about this. I would have thoughts such as “how come this lady has failed to observe that regulars stick to their usual spot in the studio”. Often after the class, on my way home, I would express my annoyance to my husband, I would launch into a diatribe against the offending party; “she ought to be considerate”, citing university lecture halls where students occupied the same seats throughout the term. I was really agitated.

I became determined to occupy my favourite spot. I started arriving even earlier ...so much so that on the days I would swim before yoga, I would delay drying my hair until after making a beeline for the studio to lay down my mat. When I saw this lady in the changing room, I doubtless had that triumphant look a cat possesses when it gets the cream. Dare I say, this went on for several weeks.

Somewhere along the way, I had developed enough awareness to recognise that I was obsessed about this particular space. My behaviour was clearly ridiculous but somehow I still couldn’t put an end to it. I would think of this lady and my mood would wax into irritation and resentment. I would feel really put out. My mind would whine bitterly that “no one else’s space gets taken”… “woe is me”... “why does it always happen to me.”

A few weeks later, I was listening to a monk giving a discourse which touched upon metta. They were most particular in emphasising that through metta one eschews bitterness and resentment of every kind. One seeks to develop the qualities of being accommodative and benevolent.

That was the turning point. I remember distinctly deciding to stop making this lady out to be a bad egg for always taking up my favourite place. I somehow found this inner ability to say, “it’s okay.” “She doesn’t know she is upsetting me.” “It’s crazy to dislike someone so intensely for something so silly.” “This is a storm in a teacup.” “I am just going to let it go.”

So I made a determination to release this desire “for the perfect spot” from my grasp. The following week came along and it was time to head to the gym. Awareness of the intention to let go allowed me to notice the still frenzied nature of my walking. Upon reminding myself of what releasing this desire really meant, I immediately observed that my pace naturally slowed down. When I got to the gym, I noticed a fellow yogi entering the lift; my mind started wondering if the lady who was apt to take my spot was already there and my feet again picked up their pace while walking towards the changing room. Once again I had to check myself.

Normally, I always do an ab work out before yoga and out of the blue my mind was suggesting that I should do this after the class, rationalising “it’s too cold” and that “my body would have warmed up more afterwards”. Again, thanks to my daily practice, I was able to see right through the archetypal suggestions of the intellect. I completed my workout and got chatting to the yoga teacher. Then the door to the studio opened; I could literally feel my feet dragging me towards it in slow motion. In that moment, I was intensely aware of my attachment to that space. I entered the studio and noticed that someone had already placed their mat in my favourite spot. It also didn’t escape my attention that the entire rest of the room was free. I felt slight constriction in my chest. I reminded myself yet again that I had decided to let this go; rationalising that “it will be helpful for this lady to use the mirror as an additional training aid to improve her practice.” I noticed the feeling of relaxation spread throughout my body. In fact I ended up enjoying the class and not really thinking about where I was sat.

On my way home, I began thinking of how grateful I am to this person. By taking my usual spot, she had given me a tremendous lesson in how the mind gets entangled with benign things and how this can result in the harbouring of negative feelings, resentment, criticism and generation of ill will. Not to mention of course causing the mind to dwell in an aversive mood.

So coming back full circle, you see that up until that incident in the yoga class, I was diligently doing my metta meditation everyday but I hadn’t really generated any insight. This lady however transformed the practice for me. I was able to realise first hand the true power of metta to change the perception of the world around me and to become more empathetic towards it. That of course and the futility of personalising a space in a yoga class... after all, it is only a seat.