My self-healing journey through yoga and meditation

Cristiane Billins on what yoga has done for her

Physically, yoga presented me with a body that until then I was unaware of. It gave me flexibility, physical strength and loss of undesired fat which bothered me and hindered my self-esteem and metabolic functioning. I suffered from indigestion, reflux, and stomach acidity among other discomforts. I got rid of the addiction to smoking and the excessive use of alcohol. Migraine, dry skin, burnt lips, constipation, dryness, and dry mouth, are some of the harms I caused my body by making the wrong choices. I spent a lifetime haunted by the abuse I suffered in childhood and adolescence; yoga helped me to understand who I really am and that nothing I suffered has actually touched my essence.

I freed myself from the traumas that imprisoned me to an existence of fear, anguish and cyclical suffering. Instability and emotional blockage, caused me a lot of pain and intimate discomfort – with the daily practice of yoga, chakra healing and meditation, I freed myself from the constant lack of libido and frequent infections which caused not only discomfort but also low self-esteem which led me into constant abusive and unstable relationships.

Today I see my body as a sacred place - I take care of this temple with zeal, and I strive to nourish it daily so that I can have a balanced life.

Mentally and emotionally

My mental and emotional health was reconstructed meticulously. I came out of a depressive state in which I felt immense sadness and deep anguish – without knowing the cause, it was impossible to seek an answer or cure. I was constantly angry with everything and with many people and to ease the pain, I’d often smoke and drink more.

How to explain that suffocating anger, vast emptiness and a constant state of pain that consumed me alive?

It was through moving my body with the practices of asanas and meditative silence that I began to be transported to a dimension that I didn't know until then. I was moved to an empty place, with no colour or memories, no judgments – there I found healing and release from this unbalanced state that had suffocated me for years.

I lived in a permanent state of anguish. Today, I live in a permanence of observation and detachment from all forms of suffering and self-limitation, everything that no longer serves me, I let go. Balananda today is my mantra which means: I free myself from...

Spiritually

Spiritually, yoga has introduced me to a state of consciousness in which I can directly connect with who I really am. I live this spirituality of union with a cosmic infinity which gives me infinite freedom - I learned that there is nothing out there – everything is in me and I am in everything. There is only a union between who I am and the existence of this entire universe. My spiritual expansion has been a daily transmutation, revealing each day the greatness of the universal consciousness of which I am part.